| She takes two deep breaths. |
[16 Jun 2009|08:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's lingering. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
colby caillat. |
] |
You can ask for anything you want.. anything at all.. and I'll understand it.
You can express your deepest of truths, even if it means I'll lose you.. and I'll hear it.
*exhale*
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3 | bust a move
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| This isn't how it's supposed to end. |
[18 May 2009|03:01pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
missy higgins. |
] |
"Did you say it? I love you...I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then look around, drink it in because this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow...."
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3 | bust a move
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| Three years. |
[19 Dec 2008|05:59pm] |
Kent's and my three year anniversary came and went Thursday, the 18th, without much of any contact as a result of our busy and conflicting schedules. As such, we celebrated three triumphant years earlier today whilst out to lunch at Bob Chinn's.
Bob Chinn's Chicago Christmas skyline.
Cocktail shrimp appetizer.
Adorable boyfriend.
Chargrilled Orange Roughy.
Anniversary dessert: coconut cake with lychee sorbet, topped with blueberries.
:]
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9 | bust a move
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| Baby, it's cold outside. |
[16 Dec 2008|08:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's good. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jessica simpson. |
] |
This weekend was long awaited and utterly splendid.
I spent Saturday evening at a Greek restaurant celebrating the impending holidays with my co-workers into early morning hours. Afterward, I drove to Melrose Park and celebrated Kent's 25th birthday with a 2am trip to Baskin' Robins for delicious ice cream whilst enduring sub-zero temperatures. In the later hours of Sunday, Kent and I ventured downtown to Christkindlmarket (German Christmas Market) at Daley Center where were feasted upon spiced cider, German bratwurst, sauerkraut, Stollen, and roasted nuts. The latter portion of the evening was spent at Kent's house for a family birthday dinner of steak tacos, Jarritos, and cake.
*smiles*
I get warm, tingly feelings just reminiscing about it all.
[Also, construction began on my house yesterday morning. Today I spent the better portion of my day assisting the contractor, Ron. I tore out walls, insulation, flooring, and beams, among other things. Throughout my activities, I was complimented on my undying work ethic and a lack of "sissy girl attitude;" as well, I was categorized as a "machine" for how agile and able I was with regards to construction. I felt beautiful, strong, and empowered, regardless of the fact that I was in clothes three sizes too big, without make-up, and unshowered. How's that for heightened self esteem. :)]
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3 | bust a move
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| Apparently there is a dollar sign on peace of mind. |
[24 Nov 2008|09:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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she's writhing in pain. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
zac brown band. |
] |
Wednesday morning, I was informed by Dr. Nash's office that the Urogynecologist of whom he recommended my case to refused to accept me on as a patient. Apparently, said doctor felt my pain and needs too much for himself at the current moment; as such, he sent me on to another partner of physicians - Dr. Senapati and Dr. Tu - based out of Evanston/North Shore University who specialize in Chronic Pelvic Pain.
For two hours Friday afternoon, I conversed about my case, diminishing quality of life, and hopes for the future. After a thorough examination was said and done, I was told the "best course of action right now is medicinal." Essentially, I am intended to imbibe a sleuth of prescriptions over the course of the next few months with the hope of having at least a glimmer of relief throughout that time. If nothing happens, "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" and "most likely try a different round of medication," so says the specialist.
After three days of taking in my first prescription at a low dose, I feel a handful of negative side effects and little hope for the future. I can only imagine how my body will feel next week when I am expected to introduce the second medicine and onto the following week with the third. *sigh*
At least I have manicures, Thanksgiving, my 20th birthday, and a new round of PTO to look forward to.
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bust a move
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|
| And so the story goes... |
[18 Nov 2008|08:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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she's irritated and ill. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
gary allan. |
] |
I had my first appointment with Dr. Nash in months this evening and found it to be relatively negative in nature. After having to re-inform him as to the location, duration, and extent of my pain, as well as the fact that my menstrual cycle has been off kilter since April, I endured the worst gynecological examination of my life. I had to ask him to stop as I was in such a disturbing amount of pain; most unfortunately, my desires were brushed aside as he continued on until he was content himself.
Afterwards, he recommended a new physician to contact who specializes in pelvic pain under Urogynecology; as well, he decided to change my birth control in hopes of regulating and minimizing my blood flow. Furthermore, he suggested if no improvements are shown within my next cycle, I shall undergo an ultrasound of my uterus and it's lining.
*sigh*
And so, my life is once again a waiting game.
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5 | bust a move
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| She's on her way. |
[07 Nov 2008|08:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's thining aloud. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
kate havenevik. |
] |
1. For some reason or another, I have a very negative sense of self at the current moment -- it could in part be due to an unfortunate family member of a patient relaying undeserving and harsh words at myself, or in part due to a miscommunication with the boyfriend earlier today.
2. After checking my e-mail and noticing a sleuth of stores currently offering 25% off sales, free shipping, and "valued customer" offers, I am fighting the urge to spend, spend, spend! It really is a burden to know I have the ability to purchase what I choose, yet remain grounded and maintain a conservative mindset with regards to money. *sigh*
3. I've an appointment with Dr. Nash on November 18th wherein I shall be "re-evaluated" and potentially re-diagnosed. I suspect he shall cross his arms, sigh in frustration, and ask me what I would like to see come of the situation, and we shall then sit in silence for a handful of minutes before coming to the joint conclusion that it is time to move on to a new physician with specialty in pelvic pain and the like.
4. My 20th birthday is approaching and I am compelled to throw myself a birthday dinner of sorts, yet am almost positive my living space will still be in shambles come January 1st. It seems the older I get, the less patience I have for my family members when it comes to making a decision.
5. Spring semester is rearing 'round the corner and I suppose that means I shall once again peruse through the course listings at Oakton in attempt to find classes to aid in my future. As such, I debate whether or not I should switch from Day's to Nights when it comes to work. *ponders*
6. I am strongly considering purchasing a new car or a newly used car, for that matter. I feel as though my Mazda will only last me for another year or two and wonder whether or not now is an opportune time to make such a large purchase, as it would be funded solely on my part. I suppose if my insurance company comes through on two $1500 payments, I will delve more into the idea of a new car.
7. A second job may be in my future, at least for the holiday season. I suspect the extra income will benefit my current situation and desires most graciously. The only downside would be working 60 hour weeks and lack of free time. *shrugs* It's something to think about.
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10 | bust a move
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| Bah hum bug. |
[30 Oct 2008|03:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's in pain. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
beyonce. |
] |
What I could/want to use my paycheck for:
- a new purse
- casual shoes
- winter coat
- cute gloves
- mani/pedi
- eyeliner
- perfume
- bra and panties
What I should/need to use my paycheck for:
- $150 bill to Dr. Nash
- "future repairs" on my Mazda, i.e. the sway bar
- furniture for my new room
- gasoline
- unexpected necessities
- potentially, $1700 to LGH Outpatient Physical Therapy, pending a smackdown with my insurance provider
*sigh*
I hate being an adult sometimes.
... at least I have potato salad and Norco in the other room with which to keep my spirits up.
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2 | bust a move
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| Good vibrations. |
[20 Oct 2008|10:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's alive. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jessica simpson. |
] |
Weekends seem to expire far too quickly for my liking. I exert myself almost completely throughout the week, if not more so, and am given a mere two days with which to recuperate and interact with those individuals I failed to see during my arduous work days. It just feels so... unbalanced. Alas, it is life. *sigh*
In good news, I purchased a pair of jeans on a shopping trip with my mother on Saturday and have never found a pair of jeans to fit my figure so adoringly. Honestly, I love the way I look and feel in them. Whilst donning them in the Lucky Brand store, three associates begged me to come out into the foyer so as to show off how nice they looked. If that wasn't a confidence boost, I'm not sure what is. ;P
And yesterday? Yesterday was a laid-back Sunday filled with good friends, good food, and horses. Kent, Matt, Sam, and I ventured to Starved Rock, IL to participate in horseback riding; for a small amount, we were able to ride on a guided tour for a little over and hour and enjoy the beautiful scenery Autumn has to offer. On our return home, we stopped into one of the town's homemade candy shops for a sugar fix and later on had an early dinner at Texas Roadhouse.
The only real downside to my weekend, aside from how quickly it ended, is the fact that my rear end is incredibly sore, as a result of my horse's trotting, to the point where it is difficult to sit without pain. Whilst explaining my pain to a co-worker she promptly took a look to my derriere and said, "Yeah, it does look a bit swollen." *shakes head & laughs*
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bust a move
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| Just let it flow. |
[15 Oct 2008|09:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's remorseful. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
carrie underwood. |
] |
I just finished spending $70 on new scrubs and am having buyer's remorse to some extent. *sigh* It's alright, though, as the majority of my scrubs are far too large and baggy at the current moment.
...and it should be especially alright considering tomorrow is pay day, right?
Right. *yawn*
I hate spending money, I really do.
[Aside from that, I have found myself becoming quite emotionally attached to my patients as of late. Reasoning? I've no clue. I was almost in tears today when a patient I tended to for a week left for home. *shakes head* I'm lame.]
PS: I've been dreaming about this hat I found up in Lake Geneva, WI, last week. It's so ugly, but so comfortable, warm, and inviting. I wish I had bought it. :(
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4 | bust a move
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| Grumble. |
[13 Oct 2008|12:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's comforted by meows. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
garth brooks. |
] |
I really wish Dorothy Perkins existed in the U.S.
Honestly, I hate to think how expensive "sale" items are when converted from pounds to dollars. *sigh*
Why oh why does the store have to carry such appealing apparel?
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9 | bust a move
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| So tell me this. |
[07 Oct 2008|02:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's sniffing the autumn air. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
taylor swift. |
] |
1. I am starting to believe my pelvic pain will always be present.
2. Pumpkin Spice aromas make my heart smile.
3. Contractors have huge egos.
4. My brother-in-law will be deployed once again.
5. I want to travel.
6. Cooking eases my mind.
7. I love my boyfriend.
8. Crisp Autumn air comforts me.
9. New clothes purchased at 70% off steal in sizes I have little to no recollection of ever being = priceless.
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7 | bust a move
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| Wouldn't it be nice? |
[29 Sep 2008|01:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's unmotivated. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the beach boys. |
] |
Today is my day off from work after having endured two back-to-back Twelve's in 48-hours... and I cannot locate the desire to do much of anything. I had originally intended to finish a load of laundry or two, shower, rearrange my virtually non-existent living space, obtain a new driver's license and state ID as the cashier behind the MAC counter broke mine, scope out a furniture outlet in Bensenville for affordable furniture, indulge in a manicure and pedicure, read for an hour or so, and potentially have a dinner with a co-worker of mine, as we've been craving Mexican food since 7:05am on Saturday morning; however, virtually none of that, I feel, will happen today.
*sigh*
So much pessimism on my part and it's merely 1:20pm. I suppose said emotions have to do with the outright downpour my surrounding area is enduring yet again and the fact that my stomach is atrociously full from a delicious mozzarella and tomato salad.
I have showered thus far in my day and did venture out into the "real world" only to drop lunch off for my mother at her place of employment. I suppose I should have continued on with my day's desires at that moment in time, but... I was exhausted.
In all honesty, I fail to realize how tired I've been since my surgery, the flood, and returning to work. *yawn*
I wish I had a magic wand wherein I could sprinkle peace, love, and simplicity atop my life and the lives of whom I encounter. Really, wouldn't that be nice?
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2 | bust a move
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|
| She can't let go, she can't relax. |
[25 Sep 2008|10:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's imaginary. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sheryl crow. |
] |
Distaste lingers in the air, polluting her airways, clouding her vision, cementing hesitations. It is but with forceful rocking wherein her thoughts redistribute pain for pleasure and misery with elation.
Rock-a-bye, rock-a-bye;
Everything's gonna be alright.
rock-a-bye.
His smile reaches her gaze and the world slows, ensuring she fully absorbs the potency: everything's gonna be alright..
Rock-a-bye.
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bust a move
|
|
| Babbling is good for the heart, on occasion. |
[23 Sep 2008|09:49am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
she's not so grand. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
shawn mullins. |
] |
1. First day back to work was "doable," yet incredibly exhausting. I was in bed no later than an hour after returning home as a result of working a twelve-hour shift.
2. My less than a year old, right rear, tire flattened itself last night. Thankfully, I purchased a lifetime warranty on it last year and as such am merely required to pay labor prices.
3. Floods are heinously detrimental to one's life. I've since lost everything I have ever owned, aside from a few items such as my laptop and television, and an array of water stained photographs.
4. My hair feels super damaged as of late. I need new hair products in effort to correct said misfortune.
5. I miss sex.
6. I am friends with a handful of the world's most giving people.
7. Although I was on leave from work for a month, a vacation is order.
8. My uterus is my biggest enemy.
9. I long for the air of simplicity.
10. Fall is here and I adore it with every fiber of my being.
Edit: Apparently there are a number of things "wrong" with my car rounding out to a rough $1200, so relays Firestone. *shakes head* Really, when it rains, it pours.
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1 | bust a move
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eyeshutopen's journal
